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My Mom passed away recently. , My Dad already passed a few years back. There was no will, In the state we live in our law states that when their is no will ( and also their was no house,no real property) then personal belongings of the deceased go to the surviving children of the deceased, Equally divided. My Mom just rented a apartment.) , My brother did not follow this law, He made all the funeral arrangements and paid for them( dont even know with what money?) Was their any in the estate, pension fund., life insurance, We dont know,, but He called us and left us a message that told us of Moms passing after everything was arranged and payed for so we couldnt have a say in anything regarding the funeral. As well as Church Arrangements. , Who was doing readings, who were pall bearers, We couldnt take a part in any decision making,because everything was done by My Brother. . The funeral home was nice and polite but sorry that their was nothing they could do because everything was already paid for by my brother who knew of Moms passing first and then put everything into action. , Then after the ensuing days, my brother cleaned out Moms apt ( we were not allowed in because only my brothers name was on the lease for the apartment with a phone and address info for contact information so the apt complex director would not let us into Moms apartment.. This led to My brother taking everything and did not divide equally between another brother and myself < Everything ( personal belongings, any money left in accounts, etc should have been divided one third) So because of no will, , My brother only, gave us a box of pictures of our family my parents had and of our children and some small gifts we had given to Mom and Dad thru the years, and some little trinkets, plaques etc we did not even ask for. ( We also noticed some expensive gifts we did give were missing) Other than that, He a emptied the entire apt and its belongings and kept them or gave them out to whoever He chose. . This is a sad situation, We asked my brother for certain keepsakes we wanted, ( copys of family genealogy in the Bible, and or the family Bible, and copys of old family pics of great grandparents and relatives on both sides of Mom and Dad and copys of parents Wedding album and some other personal Keepsakes we would have liked to have which He didnt give us. , We did not get one third of everything in the apt by any stretch of the imagination, . He wont answer texts ,phonecalls or answer letters, We were told we could bring it to court and have him document where all the money went and to follow the law and He should have split personal belongings three ways with surviving children. ( If you all cant agree on a item you can buy each other out) . At first I thought about court but then I found out you really dont need a lawyer and you fill out a administration form and it seemed like alot of work and all the belongings were already given out,, To get one third also some things may have had to have been liquidized.if you all cant decide on who wants what and before it is given elsewhere, You need to come to agreements. None of this happened. Its a sad situation that you have to deal with on top of death, I wish that Mom would have taken some steps to take care of this but she died unexpectantly and guess she thought she had time, But.My brother thought He could break State law and take what He wanted and not divide equally between surviving children. , He has gotten away with it, He will have to live with this on his conscience. ( if its working properly) , A Good and Holy Priest told me what matters is reconciliation took place with My Mother and myself before her unexpected death and that is very important. Our daughter encourages to look at Saint Francis with his poverty and think like that. You dont need material things, ( just memorys). Last I texted my brother saying He did not give us all the personal keepsakes we asked for and if He could ever find it in his heart to give us them to us one day we would be greatful. I doudt that day will ever come that He responds back, but the peace that I have knowing that I didnt break any laws and My brother was informed He did,, you cant put a price tag on , ( Having peace) Sure I would have liked the personal keepsakes we asked for but we cant get them now unless we go thru alot of trouble with court forms and its something that I just dont feel like going thru now even though it hurts and am trying to accept it , There are good days and bad days, Some days feel like should go to court and make brother document where all the assets went and that the surviving children are suppose to be the first people who can ask for certain belongings before it goes to relatives, neighbors, friends, goodwill or whoever my brother chose to give it to. Its a sad situation, It has taught us a lesson for our own family and children that this wont happen with our children and has opened up discussions, We dont want them to experience this. If I were in that position I could never empty my Mothers apt and keep everything or give it out without asking my other two brothers what they would like and whats important for them to remember Mom and Dad, So its hard for me to understand how my brother can do this. So we learn to live with this hurt and hopefully in time the hurt will diminish. I know Our God is a just God and sees everything, I will leave it up to Him to bring about justice in this life or the next regarding what my Brother did with this, Like the article stated, Now I believe it had to maybe do with control in handling grief. I never thought of it that way but it makes for a good explanation of one of the reasons of why my brother acted the way He did, Reading these posts helps and makes you feel you are not alone, and this seems to be fairly common in familys, My poor Husband and what He went thru with his family is also wrongful. His Parents had a note book that He didnt even know about, and all of his siblings wrote in the book what personal items they wanted, so at time of his parents passing all his siblings came with their trailers and trucks to take away everything they asked for in the house, while my poor husband didnt even know about this book that it even existed and He didnt get any of it as everything had already been claimed by his siblings. , He went into the garage and took some of his Fathers tools no one wanted. How terribly sad and awful. I think people alive and reading any of these posts should do all they can to learn from these experiences and take care of their affairs so children especially are not left with this heavy hurt at their parents death adding more to the grief they have. , Thanks for having a website like this, at least to share your grief and story is theraputic in some way and other people out there going thru this can understand your pain. . Praying for all people suffering from grief and situations they find themselves in with family members that just add to their grief and also for the souls of any loved ones that passed on and may be still suffering and need our prayers. Our family is of the Catholic faith and we are taught how our deceased loved ones need our prayers, Masses, Love and Charity towards them, I try to concentrate on that aspect, And I rejoice in knowing our God is one filled with Mercy as well as justice. . I will leave the wrong done to us for God to take care of. ( but it still hurts what was done to us) Time heals I keep hearing so waiting for time to pass. There are good days and bad days, You can be angry about it and then next day find yourself being forgiving and feeling sorry for someone to do such a wrongful act.to you and then you learn from the experience and its always better to have peace in your heart than carry around all the baggage, and pain. I know I am not perfect and have messed up many times in life but It just amazes me in a situation such as this that I can not comprehend how this was done and My brother did this.to us. Wishing everyone peace in your heart today and as many days as you can muster it up. Blessings, AveMaria . , . . . , .
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